I Found My Temper

The other day I lost my temper.
I yelled at some people.
My frustration level had risen
to the boiling point.

I'm usually I pretty calm person.
I don't get mad easily.
But I'm human,
and humans get angry.

The last time I actually yelled
at people
out of anger
was several years ago
when I told off a church committee.
I was also depressed when that happened.

I know better.
I understand that in virtually
every case,
we create our own anger;
we can't blame it on
someone else,
or on circumstances.

As I reflect back on my experience
a few days ago,
I see that I had allowed my self-talk
to become irrational.

I was saying to myself, "Those people
must not act that way... This ought
not to happen... Those children
should not be acting like that."

I was 'shoulding' on myself.
I was 'musterbating.'
I was 'oughting' myself to death.

But I wasn't aware.
So, my irrational thoughts
led to the creation of anger.
And I expressed my anger
in an excessive manner.

It was the lack of awareness
on my part
that allowed my self-talk
to argue the case
for becoming angry.

Awareness takes practice.
I was distracted by TV,
by listening to too much
angry political stuff,
by putting on blinders,
and by selfishness.

By the middles of the next day
I had found the temper
that I lost the day before.
Temper/ance is a good virtue.
The Stoics preached a tempering
attitude toward life.
St. Paul called temperance
a characteristic a person has
when living in the Spirit.
It comes easier for some people
than others.

I'm glad I found what was lost.
It was lost, but now it is found.
I was blinded by irrational beliefs,
but now I see what happened.
Now I am aware.

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